Asking For Help. 5 Ways to Stop Being a Migraine Martyr.
People who turn themselves into martyrs tend to have good reasons and motives for doing so.
In the process, they self-sacrifice, and manage to serve others at the expense of their own wellbeing.
I spent many years in this behavior, to my own detriment. It lead to burnout and put a great deal of stress on all of my relationships.
Learning how to ask for help was one of the most difficult challenges for me on my personal Migraine journey. By bringing myself through the 5 Elements, and the steps that ultimately became Transforming Migraine, I came to realize that my stubborn independence was a trauma response, mixed with a heavy dose of cultural conditioning.
Migraine is a threshold disorder. This means that everyone has a certain level of sensitivity to Migraine symptoms and flares. Basically if your threshold is low, the slightest change in your body chemistry, or environment can trigger a pain episode. If your threshold is high, your system is able to handle more stimulation. A person’s Migraine threshold is often in flux. Adopting practices and activities that can boost your threshold are highly likely to offer you Migraine protection.
This is why asking for help and creating a supportive environment is an essential way to support your Migraine health.
There is so much emotional unpacking here, so take a few moments for yourself, maybe grab a journal, and consider the following questions:
People who live with Migraine often are forced to ask for help on pain days, but do you ask for help on good days?
If you don’t ask for help, why do you think that is?
What emotions come up for you when you consider delegating some of your tasks?
What physical feelings come up for you when you consider asking for help? Where do you feel it in your body?
Now, take 3 deep, slow breaths, and maybe take a sip of water and let’s explore 5 ways you can begin to invite help into your life.
5 Ways To Stop Being a Migraine Martyr.
Decide what would be the most helpful thing to receive right now. Brainstorm here. Just let your thoughts flow. It might be as simple as having someone hold space for you to talk about your frustrations. Or, it might be deciding for yourself that you are going to start using a meal delivery service to give you more time and freedom in your busy schedule.
Have a conversation with your most helpful family member or friend. If you find yourself in the middle of martyr behavior, you may feel that it is bothersome to ask for help from your inner circle. These people want to help you. Imagine what it must be like to watch your loved one suffer, and feel powerless to do anything to ease their pain. Allow them to be involved in your experience.
Make a list of the help you are already receiving, and enjoy a few moments of gratitude for each item.
Let go of some of the control you have over certain tasks in your day-to-day life. This was an interesting exercise for me. From the way my sons loaded the dishwasher, to the near constant takeout pizza dinners when I would prefer to home cook. Handing tasks over to family or friends can bring out anyone’s inner control freak. Recognize that your way is not the only way.
Practice the Automate, Delegate, Eliminate exercise. Make a list of tasks that annoy you, stress you out, or take up too much time in your day. As you go down the list decide if the item can be automated. Examples of this are scheduling bill pay through your online banking, or ordering grocery delivery. If the task in unable to be automated, considered delegating the task to someone else. If the task cannot be delegated, decide if it is possible to eliminate it altogether. If it is not serving your health, happiness, or wellbeing then let it go.
Explore more ways to enhance your life in my Transforming Migraine Community where I will help you live a more vibrant, joyful life.
Reciprocate whenever you can, and receive help with gratitude.
