The Power of Being Gentle

“Every action has an equal and opposite reaction”

-Newton’s Third Law

Early in my career as a massage therapist I frequently received messages that I would need to be physically strong in in order to succeed in this field. I am a small framed person measuring up at 5’1” tall on a spacious day. It appeared that my book was being strongly judged by its cover.

Many of my colleagues were able to rely on physical strength and stature, and for longer than I’d like to admit I tried to follow suit. My body and soul had other ideas. Forcing my body to apply physical strength that I had no business doing felt incredibly out of alignment.

“I hope you’re strong enough for this” was the criticism I heard all the time. Little did I know what I was about to learn about myself and as my role as a healing facilitator.

Some different messaging began to come up. This time is wasn’t comments from other people. This time the message came from me.

“Don’t Force”

You may have heard me say, “I don’t force muscles into release, relationships, or myself into uncomfortable pants” because sprinkling levity into life IS in my personal alignment.

My journey began to unfold as a discovery of the power of being gentle. Of observing, listening, and responding. It is a dance. A relationship.

On paper my career for the past 18 years has been that of a Massage Therapist. In reality, I am an observer. Tactile listening, visual observation, and a witness of personal storytelling. I am a conduit holding the relationship of input and response. It is my great honor to do so.

Restorative Bodywork, and the work of Body Language really does come down to this simple fact. The delicate handling of input and response.

The tenderness of your pain should be treated with tenderness. Healing can be a softening.

There is a quote that has stuck with me since I first saw it (I do not know the original source) “If being hard on yourself worked, it would have worked by now”

So often we look for the quick fix. “Just kill that knot in my shoulder” is a request I hear quite a bit. One massage therapy session, or one yoga asana probably won’t undo a lifetime of trauma, so why is this expectation so common? I think the answer lies in the fear of what will unravel, and of what is on the other side of the pain. The fact is, the transformational middle cannot be skipped. It should not be skipped. It is in the unraveling middle where the healing gold lies.

Think of your pain as having a soul, a personality, a voice. Is it calling out for an aggressive approach or a gentle one? Is there a part of you that judges one as more effective than the other? Why is that?

In times of distress you may just want someone to tell you what to do, but the truth is we can’t. Providers can make suggestions, share observations, etc. but only you know what is right for you.

Here are some ways you can go inward, and listen for your own Body Language (that inner knowing)

• Find some stillness. You can be seated or standing. You want to be in a position where your feet can be flat and grounded.

• Begin to become aware of your physical body, and of your breath. Just observe and notice. You do not need to make any changes unless you find you are uncomfortable in your position.

• As your nervous system begins to relax, allow yourself to prepare for what I call “first answer, right answer”. This is a practice of asking yourself a question or series of questions, and taking note of the absolute first response that comes into your awareness.

• Here are some prompts to get you started: “What needs to be addressed first?” “How does it feel right now?” “How do you want it to feel?” “Is this something you can take care of yourself or do you need outside assistance?” “What is the next best and simplest way to change this situation for the better?”

You may be surprised by what comes up here, but more often than not people connect very deeply with the answers that are uncovered with this exercise. It is a sensation of the body relaxing because it is finally being heard. This is the power of not forcing. This is the power of being gentle.

We are being called to do our individual work, but we don’t have to do it alone. It can be done in community. If you are looking for support in this area, I invite you to explore Body Language, my signature digital course program that I created to help you translate the messages of your body. You can find out more HERE.